Memoirs with Jeremy

I made it through Thanksgiving.  Holidays are so very challenging.  I spoke to a neighbor today - she lost her daughter 20 years ago - she spoke about how very hard it still is .....especially the holidays.

I believe it is a general consensus that you learn to cope with your grief; although the depth and breadth of the tragedy never leaves you.

I opted to be on my on Thanksgiving day.  I celebrated "with" Jeremy and just hung out at the house going through good memories and how much love I have for him and we have for each other.  This year I bought a already prepared Thanksgiving box of Turkey and sides - I consider this progress; actually a big step.  So far I have spent each holiday trying to not think about it being a holiday.  I have to say - "It was a good day with my son."

It is just a few months short of being five years since Jeremy's transition.  It doesn't seem possible.  In so many ways it doesn't seem real.  It comes in huge waves; but I now have reprieve from the heartbreak if I keep really busy.

I am somehow going into the Christmas spirit with peace.  I  feel Jeremy's love and support.....a peace that surpasses all understanding seems to be embracing me.  I am so thankful and grateful for the comfort.

I haven't had any ground breaking visions, dreams or spiritual visits to share, but I do know that Jeremy has one eye on me and one foot in the door at all times.  I always know and feel the connection.....I am very thankful.  I don't know where I would be without all the spiritual visits and spiritual conversations and support from my son and from God.

I am thankful for all this and more....my beautiful daughter and her family, my mom and siblings and that God has provided for me thus far.

In loving memory of Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith 03-09-85-04-06-11 USMC