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Friday, September 18, 2015

Memoirs with Jeremy

Been thinking about Jeremy so much of late.  Morning, noon and night......it is the first thing on my mind; with every breathe I take....it has been pretty intense. 

There have been lots of dreams with him and he is just on my mind and heart......in a good way......I mention it because it seems I had a drought concerning being in touch with him.  I feel his presence even now.

I believe I was the one causing the drought.  Being so caught up physically regarding his departure from our earthly plane.  I have been intense emotionally; missing him....wanting to turn back the hands of time.  Crying, not sleeping and asking why not me....why Jeremy.....I would so take his place.

I believe with all my heart that he has one eye and ear on me and is with me in a blink when I truly need him.  He has proven this over and over yet I still seem to have the propensity to forget myself (and him) spiritually and instead focus on the physical and lack there of.

I know as a parent you identify with just how truly, unconditionally you love your children.  You would die for them, sacrifice anything for them and go to the ends of the earth and jump off for them.  It is a hard and brutal call when they go before you.  There is just nothing you can do to make it better; half of you dies with them.

The thing, however; that pivots me forward is this spiritual journey I am on.  To know Jeremy lives on and is better off than any of us here on earth.....well, it brings comfort and hope.....hope and comfort. 

What I have learned is that I can't keep my head in a spiritual cloud and must live with the living again.....but yet keep my eyes and ears "heavenly" and Jeremy will always give me a sign ....that is he just around the corner.

I love you son....with every breathe I take, every thought I have and every beat of my heart.....I love you with my whole being.  I am honored to be your mom and am so thankful for the gift of being your mom and having shared some time here on the earth plane.  I love you Jeremy Daniel.

Proud Mom of Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC 03-09-85 - 04-06-11

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