Memoirs with Jeremy
Grief as shown me the
depth of love I have for my son. Grief
has taught me that the capacity of love is the breadth and width of the
vastness of the Universe; never ending.
Grief has shown me that it is the expression of profound love. It has taught me the love of God.
The more we loved the
greater the grief and grief is directly proportionate and related to the
greatness, the vastness of the love we have for our children.
I think we as parents
have great hope that the news delivered to us is wrong, a mistake, and that
this cannot be truth. In the process of
denying the truth it can potentially make us more vulnerable for when we come
out of the time warp of denial the pain increases and the hope we had for our
children come crashing down in full force.
I don’t think there
is a doubt in my mind that had there not been some denial that I could not have
survived the news that my son is now physically gone from this world. I am very thankful for shock and denial and even
though it leaves us vulnerable it also helps us cross the bridge of reality.
There is no doubt
that grief has affected me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I didn’t realize how I would be affected
socially. It has been hard to be around
those who are happy and joyful. I love
that they are, however; I feel like a big dead tree in the middle of a plush
garden bringing the beauty of it down with me.
It is a phenomena how
in the midst of such grief and sorrow that you can intermingle other emotions
such as joy and peace. It seems to spring
forth from the unconditional and infinite love we have for our children knowing
that they are by far in a much better place.
Holding tight to the beautiful memories and the undeniable love between
mother and child is immutable, never changing, never ending; infinite.
In love and understanding,
Sandra xx
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