Memoirs with Jeremy
Grief as shown me the depth of love I have for my son. Grief has taught me that the capacity of love is the breadth and width of the vastness of the Universe; never ending. Grief has shown me that it is the expression of profound love. It has taught me the love of God.
The more we loved the greater the grief and grief is directly proportionate and related to the greatness, the vastness of the love we have for our children.
I think we as parents have great hope that the news delivered to us is wrong, a mistake, and that this cannot be truth. In the process of denying the truth it can potentially make us more vulnerable for when we come out of the time warp of denial the pain increases and the hope we had for our children come crashing down in full force.
I don’t think there is a doubt in my mind that had there not been some denial that I could not have survived the news that my son is now physically gone from this world. I am very thankful for shock and denial and even though it leaves us vulnerable it also helps us cross the bridge of reality.
There is no doubt that grief has affected me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I didn’t realize how I would be affected socially. It has been hard to be around those who are happy and joyful. I love that they are, however; I feel like a big dead tree in the middle of a plush garden bringing the beauty of it down with me.
It is a phenomena how in the midst of such grief and sorrow that you can intermingle other emotions such as joy and peace. It seems to spring forth from the unconditional and infinite love we have for our children knowing that they are by far in a much better place. Holding tight to the beautiful memories and the undeniable love between mother and child is immutable, never changing, never ending; infinite.
In love and understanding,