I have had so many
questions throughout this journey of eighteen months the majority of which has
been spiritual. Sometimes I wonder if my
son’s transition is a wakeup call to my spirit.
I have been unconscious most of my life going through life on
auto-pilot. I have no auto-pilot now and
need the strength and peace of the Spirit.
Of course, my son had
his personal journey in the physical realm and I am sure that God had and still
has many purposes for Jeremy. But, on a
personal note; I certainly have had a wakeup call and can no longer doze and
nap unconsciously during this road trip.
I am aware of so many
dimensions since Jeremy’s transition and I am so conscious of not being in the
Now when I slip or go head first into my own personal hell. This is, by the way, the reason for me
journaling; to keep us from the Midnight that is so much easier to give into. To stay conscious and in the Now means we
have to be……conscious, in the Now.
There are two things
I wish to share this morning both of which were lovingly whispered to me a
couple of months ago and I have been reminded intermittently of them and it has
ministered to me immensely.
I have gone through
dark valleys of loneliness which can be fairly devastating at this juncture of life. I had a peace that flowed from my head and gently
through every cell of my body. It was
then endearingly said to me “Sandra you have not been forgotten. Do I not love you more than the birds of the
air? I have never forgotten you and I
never will. Go to the scripture in the
Bible that speaks of the birds…” There
was great love permeating from the Spirit through my entire body; it was the
voice of the Spirit; my son was standing next to me as I was being spoken to.
I basked in this for
a while; I felt so loved, it felt like home and I felt like I was in the middle
of a big family sharing all the warms hugs filled with love and it felt very
safe.
I certainly went to
the scripture/s which I share below and even though I knew the context, I still
read them word for word which reinforced that I wasn’t forgotten, I am in a
safe place and I am truly loved. It
brought such healing and salve to my heart.
Matthew 6:26: “Look
at the birds of the air, that they do now sow, neither do they reap, nor gather
into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?”
Matthew 10:31:
“Therefore do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
After contemplating
this for days it occurred to me that in church I was taught about Jesus, we
sang songs praising Jesus and we prayed to God in Jesus’ name.
With every Nano ounce
of reverence and respect to Jesus Christ my brother as I can muster it dawned
on me that my relationship was far stronger and more intimate with Jesus Christ
than with God. I realized that I
hungered to know my Father and I always approached Him with devote reverence
and bowed my head in prayer, but this was a closeness that was surreal.
I have always been thankful
with a heart full of gratitude to Jesus for dying on the cross to deliver me
from religion and religious antics, and have been praising and thanking God the
Universal Spirit and Love for all He has done for me. However; I am searching for a much closer
relationship with Him. I call Him Father
more often than not now. I am beginning
to feel more in balance spiritually; knowing of course that we are all one, the
Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
My take is that we
are all sons and daughters to the Father, Jesus is a phenomenal prophet and a
great teacher – our brother, our example and the Holy Spirit resides within
us.
The Father Spirit
also speaks of angels and I have gone head first into taking a look at studies that
addresses angels. In my prayer and
meditation time I ask for their help and intervention in my life’s purpose and
path. I have felt such a powerful
intervention in my life when I engage the Archangels each day.
I have always been
taught to bow my head when I pray to God.
Father Spirit has spoken to me and has said “lift your head to me child,
I want to see your face…” This has
happened on many occasions and I feel I am in the presence of my loving Father
when I talk to him “eye to eye”.
It was endearing and
it is as though I felt His hand on my chin tilting my face to His with pure
love.
I felt compelled to
share the Love of God I have felt. It is
so precious and is for each one of us.
It is a wonderful and safe place to be.
My son has helped me
so often and I feel his presence still.
Jeremy has gone the extra mile to prove to me there is life after
physical death and I know he lives on in the “afterlife”. I cannot accept what happened to my son in
the physical realm, but I can accept his transition and I willing accept my
journey in our world so that I may meet him just on the other side of the
river.
I know the flesh must
pass away before the transition, but my point is that Jeremy has moved to
another state of being. I wish I had
earthly words to convey what I have seen of his life now…. It is beautiful and
it is my saving grace to keep focused on Jeremy’s transition; he is alive,
happy and is pure love.
In love and
understanding,
Sandra xx Proud Mom of Ssgt Jeremy D. Smith USMC,
03-09-85 – 04-06-11
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