I have had so many questions throughout this journey of eighteen months the majority of which has been spiritual. Sometimes I wonder if my son’s transition is a wakeup call to my spirit. I have been unconscious most of my life going through life on auto-pilot. I have no auto-pilot now and need the strength and peace of the Spirit.
Of course, my son had his personal journey in the physical realm and I am sure that God had and still has many purposes for Jeremy. But, on a personal note; I certainly have had a wakeup call and can no longer doze and nap unconsciously during this road trip.
I am aware of so many dimensions since Jeremy’s transition and I am so conscious of not being in the Now when I slip or go head first into my own personal hell. This is, by the way, the reason for me journaling; to keep us from the Midnight that is so much easier to give into. To stay conscious and in the Now means we have to be……conscious, in the Now.
There are two things I wish to share this morning both of which were lovingly whispered to me a couple of months ago and I have been reminded intermittently of them and it has ministered to me immensely.
I have gone through dark valleys of loneliness which can be fairly devastating at this juncture of life. I had a peace that flowed from my head and gently through every cell of my body. It was then endearingly said to me “Sandra you have not been forgotten. Do I not love you more than the birds of the air? I have never forgotten you and I never will. Go to the scripture in the Bible that speaks of the birds…” There was great love permeating from the Spirit through my entire body; it was the voice of the Spirit; my son was standing next to me as I was being spoken to.
I basked in this for a while; I felt so loved, it felt like home and I felt like I was in the middle of a big family sharing all the warms hugs filled with love and it felt very safe.
I certainly went to the scripture/s which I share below and even though I knew the context, I still read them word for word which reinforced that I wasn’t forgotten, I am in a safe place and I am truly loved. It brought such healing and salve to my heart.
Matthew 6:26: “Look at the birds of the air, that they do now sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?”
Matthew 10:31: “Therefore do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
After contemplating this for days it occurred to me that in church I was taught about Jesus, we sang songs praising Jesus and we prayed to God in Jesus’ name.
With every Nano ounce of reverence and respect to Jesus Christ my brother as I can muster it dawned on me that my relationship was far stronger and more intimate with Jesus Christ than with God. I realized that I hungered to know my Father and I always approached Him with devote reverence and bowed my head in prayer, but this was a closeness that was surreal.
I have always been thankful with a heart full of gratitude to Jesus for dying on the cross to deliver me from religion and religious antics, and have been praising and thanking God the Universal Spirit and Love for all He has done for me. However; I am searching for a much closer relationship with Him. I call Him Father more often than not now. I am beginning to feel more in balance spiritually; knowing of course that we are all one, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
My take is that we are all sons and daughters to the Father, Jesus is a phenomenal prophet and a great teacher – our brother, our example and the Holy Spirit resides within us.
The Father Spirit also speaks of angels and I have gone head first into taking a look at studies that addresses angels. In my prayer and meditation time I ask for their help and intervention in my life’s purpose and path. I have felt such a powerful intervention in my life when I engage the Archangels each day.
I have always been taught to bow my head when I pray to God. Father Spirit has spoken to me and has said “lift your head to me child, I want to see your face…” This has happened on many occasions and I feel I am in the presence of my loving Father when I talk to him “eye to eye”.
It was endearing and it is as though I felt His hand on my chin tilting my face to His with pure love.
I felt compelled to share the Love of God I have felt. It is so precious and is for each one of us. It is a wonderful and safe place to be.
My son has helped me so often and I feel his presence still. Jeremy has gone the extra mile to prove to me there is life after physical death and I know he lives on in the “afterlife”. I cannot accept what happened to my son in the physical realm, but I can accept his transition and I willing accept my journey in our world so that I may meet him just on the other side of the river.
I know the flesh must pass away before the transition, but my point is that Jeremy has moved to another state of being. I wish I had earthly words to convey what I have seen of his life now…. It is beautiful and it is my saving grace to keep focused on Jeremy’s transition; he is alive, happy and is pure love.
In love and understanding,
Sandra xx Proud Mom of Ssgt Jeremy D. Smith USMC, 03-09-85 – 04-06-11