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Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy



As I got up this morning it didn’t take long to find there was a power outage.  I took the kids outside and came in to prepare coffee; to no avail.  I did not have television, laptop and my cell phone’s battery was low.  With this sad I had no choice but to sit silently and listen to the nothingness that surrounded me.  It was glorious.

My first sight when I looked out my window was a baby hummingbird; due to the rain I refilled the feeder with fresh nectar.  It was wonderful watching the tiny jewel feasting and flitting about.  I called to him and said bring your friends; your friends are always welcomed and before long I had the more mature birds feasting as well.

Hummingbirds are special to me; they always have been and since my son’s transition they are even more so.  We were told once by a medium that when we see a hummingbird it meant Jeremy was here.  I have never had many hummers at my house and since his transition they have been coming to my feeder a bit more often.  It was such a luxury to watch them.

While I was observing them I heard a voice say to me “look at the birds of the air, I know them each one personally and care for them continually.  Do not think you have been forgotten for you have not and I will care for you as I do all the birds of the air and with love.”  I was then impressed to find the scripture that refers to this very pattern of thought and dialogue.

“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not worth much more than they?”

The love I felt was astonishing and all I could do was wrap my arms around myself and say thank you, thank you.

I have forgotten about myself on so many levels during the transition of my son and the transformation of myself.  It is as though I am being rewritten and am trying to find the description of who I am and where I am going.  So this reminder that I am loved by the Universal God and that He too watches over me was what my broken heart needed.

As I was observing the beautiful and tiny little jewels I suddenly had a feeling there was a lesson in this for me today and then the dialogue and scripture came to me as though He was standing right next to me.

The lesson in this for me personally is that I believe totally that God loves me and takes care of me, watches over me.  I have total faith in that, however; I now am faced with looking at trust issues.  I have faith it can be done, but I need to trust it will be done. 

First it was an over the top emotional divorce and then more importantly my son’s transition.  The latter being the most painful thing that I could ever imagine; ever to happen to my son and our family.  I didn’t realize I was having a trust issue, although, it makes perfect sense to me that I do and would.

So in the glory of silence and stillness I hear the Lord’s voice speak to me of the birds of the air, how He cares for me and wants me to trust Him to be faithful to His Word. 

Father God never misses does He?  It is true that I am living in some fear; not just for myself and to be honest I am not sure were the fear lies exactly, but I think I have been nudged to find out.

I miss my son, he is still such a huge part of me and my life and forever will be.  I feel blessed that I have been granted a new journey with my son and that he is still with me on many levels.  I have been so very thankful and grateful to God the Father, Mother God, Archangels, light being and ascended masters for this.  I think my trust lies within the fact that this is more of a true and “real journey” than when Jeremy was with me in the physical form. 

Although I can’t see him as I did physically, hear his deep voice, see that sonshine smile, yes….I need to trust that this journey is just as real as the previous one with Jeremy, in fact, it is more real than when he was with me in the world.  This is definitely worth trust and faith.

I think the trust in this also accompanies the acceptance of the transition.  I thought I had to a degree been able to accept Jeremy’s nonphysical form, albeit so difficult.  But what I am zoning in on is that I am to trust the journey I am embarking upon and the transformation that is taking place within myself and know that God has me by my hand.

I will ponder this, open my heart and soul to trusting this new adventure that my son and I are on and trust the paths that it takes me and my son.  I truly want to be all eyes, ears and open to anything I can learn and any revelation that I might be blessed with.

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

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