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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy


I have had a few friends contact me lately.  It was really good to hear from them.  I have missed my friends, however; it seems that Jeremy’s transition is the elephant in the room no one wants to address.  It has been said to me so many times….. “I just don’t know what to say”. 

I think we are the only country that doesn’t properly address transition.  For me talking about my son brings me joy; sharing his memories is very healing and I relish the opportunity to get to say his name. 

I am not well versed on how other countries address losing their loved ones, but I do know that many of them look at it as a celebration and on the anniversary of the transition date/s it is celebrated.

 I try very hard to do this myself.  Not out of any idea, custom or influence except that it is the most positive and feel better place I can be.

It is still difficult in this realm to accept that he has transitioned and I am missing him more than ever.  But, once again, I remind myself that Jeremy lives on in another dimension.  I promise this is not a crutch for me; there have been too many visits and guidance from my son to consider this a “crutch”; albeit it does bring the energy and life force to his transition that is healing for me.

I have sliver of moments that the reality of his departure hits my brain so hard that it almost splinters.  I had another one today.  It is sheer agony and I could slip into oblivion from such pain and insanity.  I have to grasp for the light; the life that is in that life to survive such breaks in my psychic.  It is an extremely terrifying place and experience.  I cannot bear to be there more than a split second.  I think that after over a year that I could come to a larger place of acceptance, but my mind cannot handle the full blow of it just yet.  

I would like to say that I believe I am in some denial still; I believe that the level of grief I am in is still protecting me from the full force of reality; this kind of reality can truly destroy you mentally, emotionally and physically.  It is the midnight my son spoke of and urged his family not to stay in this midnight.  It was truly words of wisdom and has probably saved each of us to some extent or another.

This is why I speak so often of the light.  The life force energy that is within this light is a very high vibrational light.  It is life and energy abound.

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

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