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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy



I have been pondering my last blog that stated my beliefs on life after transition.  I am on a journey spiritually and this part of my journey is where my grief has personally taken me.  I know how different it is for each of us; I have a very dear friend whose son transitioned after Jeremy by about two months.  We share and listen to what and how we go through our grief and our belief systems and although at the end of the road our beliefs are the same; we just go about it a little differently.  Thank the Lord that there isn’t very much difference, because we can relate and we need each other so much right now.

I know that if you are a Christian and/or go to your church and have your own belief system there are probably many things you might frown upon.  I too spent many years in church and in fact I am an ordained minister.  With that said I am going to attempt some of my thoughts on supernatural visits via portals, connecting with the Spirit, etc.

I will have to say that my belief system is the same as the Bible, but I have found that the beliefs are parallel throughout many religions.  But, I take into account the era, the influence of the religious leaders in a third world country, etc. and I have an aversion to the word religion, because I think that is what gets us into trouble; I maintain we are a lot better with our lives when we stay on a spiritual journey. 

I try not to put labels or confine my thinking by any influence albeit the Bible, friends, what I have learned in church, books I have read, seasoned spiritual leaders, etc.  There are things I “bear witness” to and some I do not; I let my spirit connect with The Spirit and trust I will learn and accelerate when and where I should spiritually.

I do believe in meditation; it became clear to me one day as I was praying that I was doing all the talking and that there had to be some silence for me to hear what the Spirit has to say to me.  For me I go very deep within myself and wait to hear the voice of God, an impression, sometimes just a wonderful tingly sensation and other times epiphanies.  I don’t use candles but I love candles and they set a lovely ambiance, but my focus in on the Spirit inside me.   I do have my space and it is quiet and serene, but there are no formulas, routines, or rituals for me, I go deep inside myself, breathing and becoming one with the Spirit.  In fact, some meditations vary one to the other for me depending on time and how I am feeling that particular day. 

I basically try to stay in the “flow of the spirit” all day long, although I fail at this miserably some days.   One day I need the touch of the Spirit and am so hungry for it first thing in the morning; other times as soon as my feet hit the floor I don’t slow down until bedtime.  But throughout the entire day I am thanking God for all he has given me, which was extremely hardcore for me when my son left his earthly body.  But being thankful all day and having a spirit of gratitude and grateful for what does remain for me I manage to pull off a decent spiritual day and sometimes a phenomenal spiritual day.

Going deep inside my body to what I call to my core is where the Spirit resides within me.  When I am capable of entering into this realm it is as though my thirst is quenched and I long no more.  It is a beautiful and nourishing place and I come away feeling fulfilled for as I go into this peaceful place of silence and serenity am I usually completely depleted.  Since Jeremy’s transition it takes a lot of physic and physical energy to get through a day.

When I meditate and reach my core I have found that my spirit has no form and is light as a feather and vibrates at a high rate; the tingly feeling I receive while I am there.  I don’t actually “see” my form through physical eyes but in my spirit realm I see it as invisible; this seems a paradox but it is seeing through the spiritual eyes.  This is where it gets tricky because truthfully there are no earthly words for a spiritual connection; there’s not an adequate earthly language.  I call it my sixth sense (spiritual) out of all the senses (see, hear, taste, smell and touch) we have this one needs to be used as well. 

I can only get to my spiritual core by being in the now, in the present and focused on only that very moment.  I cannot be thinking about any noises I may hear, the phone, or even thinking about getting into the now.  It is important to remember if you are thinking then it hinders you from becoming connected to the precise moment of now.  I breathe, settle in comfortably, make my mind stay quiet and go deep inside to my soul.

When I “make this connection” I feel the inside of my body and feel connected to the source and one with the Spirit.  I have come away so enthralled with the oneness that I have felt energized and connected to the trees, grass, and butterflies and see the spiritual connection with my furry kids.  In this spiritual connection Jeremy has shown me that we are always connected because we are one with the Spirit. 

I do not feel separated but as though I am one with everything and on these occasions feel the energy of my spirit; I say tingly but I think perhaps a higher vibration.  In this connection it is still and quiet yet vibrates with life.  The interesting thing here is this place I go is “no place” and the voice I listen for in silence is equivalent to no sound…. No space and no sound yet it is as vibrant with life this place of silence and vastness and when you are connected you know that you know you have plugged into the source.  It is full of life, energy, peace, serenity, trust, and love and full of loving light.   

I try to keep a part of this with me throughout each day and through the night I relinquish myself to God and all his angels of light.  I know there are practices of protecting yourself from lower energies and I believe one should.  However; I believe if you walk in the light that darkness cannot reach you, after all, light dispels darkness.  So there is no way that darkness can come into the light.  But, if you are not certain about having a chink in your armor then by all means protect yourself from lower energies.  I know there are several ways to do this one of which is the blood of Jesus that the Christian church uses and I am only familiar but with a few protection processes.  I have faith in the light, which is God, One with the Universal Mind and Love of God.  If I walk in that then only what is predestined for me is going to be on my path unless I make some bad choices along the way lowering my energy.

Once again, I am a novice and am learning more each day.  I have been on a spiritual journey for most my life; with a few rabbit trails and lower energies disrupting me, however; over the last ten years I have gotten very serious about my spiritual journey again; even prior to my son’s transition.  Now that my son has transitioned, I cannot learn enough about the other side of the veil, the nonphysical realm, and hope to be sensitive to every blessing of the Spirit that is given me.  I am thankful that I started the quest of a spiritual journey again because I do not think I could survive this with the Spirit, light beings and my son.

Even though I have been on my spiritual path on and off all these years; it is true that the tragedy of losing my son has propelled me towards a genuine and sincere walk with the Spirit.

I will refer you to “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, I have been reading this book for years and still every time I pick it up there is yet more again for me to try to wrap my mind around; which is part of the problem because it is meant to be grasped with the spirit.  It is very Spirit based and chock full of wisdom and knowledge and due to Mr. Tolle’s sharing his spiritual experiences and journey it has saved my life on more than one occasion.  His book is one of the seasoned spiritual leaders that I personally bear witness to what he writes and shares.

Now I am sharing these thoughts regarding our journeys, praying and meditating because this is where my strength lies; it has been the only place I can go and get even a morsel of comfort – it is the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Thank you to my son Jeremy, light beings, angels and the Spirit of our Universal Love and Oneness with God.

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

p.s. I discovered that not only was my lens snapped back into the frame of my glasses but also the plastic thread that holds it in place was no longer sticking straight out from my glasses.  Thank you again son for that miracle.  It still astonishes me the beautiful spirit of my son and how he helps me.  But, this time he actually made this happen himself.  I don’t know how else to say this except that my son absorbed into my physical body, glasses were on the desk and before I could blink they were in my hand totally repaired. 

I love this….. I love my son and he still makes me happy, bringing honor to the family and is as strong in the spirit as could ever imagine. 

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