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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy



There are many different levels and dimensions of love, but I want to focus on the unconditional love that we as parents have for our children.  It is not complicated, it is loyal, it is pure and it is truly unconditional.

When our children are gifted to us we go into “parent mode”; that mode being everything from A to Z.  We take on roles as nurse, psychiatry, taxi cab drivers, athlete, chief, teacher and the list is endless.  We actually grow and learn new things as we are parenting our children.

The largest and most important growth I have had as a parent is love.  When my daughter and son entered into my life; it was life changing for me.  I just thought I knew what love was; I thought I was in unconditional love, however; my journey on the path of love just entered into a dynamic I had never knew of or felt before.

I have gone through the years learning of unconditional love and there is not one thing that either of my children could do or not do that would ever change the love I have for them.  As you flow along in life each and every day is a gift with your children and with each and every day you somehow love them deeper, more intensely and unconditionally becomes as large as the Universe.

But, what is love?  Love isn’t tangible; it has no form or substance.  You can’t touch or take it out of your heart and say to someone “this is my love and I give it to you”. 

Love does not have a fragrance; you can’t take it from your body and say “here is my love, doesn’t it smell of roses”. 

The sound of love cannot be heard; unless you count the beat of your heart, but it doesn’t have a melody or jingle for us to hear.

You can’t taste love it is not possible to make it palatable. 

You could take a thousand pictures and a picture is worth a thousand words, but you can’t draw or take a picture and say “see my love for you”.  You could never take enough pictures, draw or write love to be anything but coming to a full circle with the unconditional love that you feel.

Love is a feeling and unconditional love is powerful, tender, and protective; and it never diminishes over time. 

You can show love in various and many ways.  The showing of love can be tangible with a hug or kiss; even the smallest intimate touch.  You can bring you loved one a bouquet of fragrant roses with a comparison of your love being as fragrantly sweet as the roses.  Lovers share songs that usually belong to just them; “this is our song” and it possesses a form of love between you; hearts beating together that can be heard.  You show love by preparing meals or sharing dinner and love can be shown through the caring, sharing and giving to each other.

But love cannot be touched tangibly; you cannot smell it, hear it, taste it, see love or touch it.  It is a feeling that can only be displayed through the five senses of our body.  You can physically touch with love, share love with objects of fragrance, taste or hearing the words I love you.  You can display your love in ways that someone can see; gifts, thoughtfulness, a special look or touch.  Love is like the air we breathe and is what nourishes our soul.

Love is manifested through physical responses of caring through our physical bodies by sharing and showing acts of love.  We have the five senses of our body and we also have the sixth sense – that is love, the Spirit that resides within us; the nonphysical within the physical.

The Spirit within us is Love, pure unconditional love.  It cannot be touched, smelled, heard, seen or tasted.  The Spirit of Love is the feeling we have that cannot be described or shown.  The Spirit shows us the unconditional love for each of us by the Universe itself; beautiful fragrant flowers and trees, running water and oceans, majestic mountains and scenery and all this beauty is designed for us to touch, smell, taste, hear and see; the best gift however is each other.  The Spirit shows unconditional love for us and to us each and every second of every day.

How do you describe the Spirit when someone asks; it is the feeling you have, the intuition that comes when needed, the comfort and support that seems to come out of nowhere, the inner voice that speaks to you of love or danger.

Spirit is the unconditional love that is given to parents to share with their children.  It is akin to the physical realm being the Spirit’s children and the love of the Spirit that resides within us is as the unconditional love of a parent, but much stronger, powerful, knowledgeable and unconditional.  Love is spirit, Spirit is love and they flow and move together as One; we are all connected, coming full circle – One with the Universal Mind and Love of God.

When Jeremy transitioned I knew how unconditional my love is for him; it is forever, eternity, immutable, infinite and right next to God’s.

I think that part of the tragedy for we as parents is the helplessness we feel that we could not protect our child.  Perhaps there is even a residue of guilt for some.  It is very difficult to come to terms with; no matter their age.

I have thought deeply of my son’s transition in my mind and that is what causes me more grief; when I let the Spirit speak to me and love me, I know that for whatever reason Jeremy and the Spirit had their own journey and Jeremy was a gift to me and still is.  Some of our paths are harder, some of our journey’s or shorter, but our journeys are between us and the Spirit – there is no beginning or end……it is a continuous and ongoing circle of immutable love; Jeremy’s spirit lives on; just on the other side of the veil.      In love, Sandra xx
Picture of my daughter, grandgirl and my son with Bekah

 The last picture taken with my son on his way to the airport to prepare for Afghanistan

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