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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy



I spent the day alone on Mother’s Day.  It was most difficult, but it is absolutely amazing how other’s reached out to me.  I am so grateful for their kindness and thoughtfulness.

I had many texts and a few phone calls; knowing that others were thinking of me helped me through the day.

It was a very interesting turn of events.  Out of the blue a very dear friend sent me flowers for Mother’s Day and another turned me onto a really intriguing book, and I was left chocolates at my door by yet another very sweet friend.

I felt Jeremy’s presence with me through the day; off and on and subtly.  Yet, I looked back and saw how if he were here he would have brought me flowers and chocolates and the book “kept me company”.  Maybe a string of coincidences, but I can’t help but believe that my son impressed upon these dear friends to help me through the day my son when home usually spent with me.

It was an enormous spirit lifter and I am very touched by the thoughtfulness that was shown.

I wanted to plant a Redwood tree for Jeremy’s birth and rebirth days, however; I didn’t have the means to plant it and I had the opportunity on Monday following Mother’s day to plant this very special tree in honor of my son.  I am elated that I saw this to fruition.  The Redwood has much meaning to me and my family, especially my children.  So that was a gift within itself.  Thank you to two very dear friends that helped me plant the Redwood; it is extremely special.

Since Jeremy’s birthday in March I have had to have a lot of reminders and discipline to stay in the light.  I also have to give myself room to grieve further.  I hear Jeremy tell me that I shouldn’t talk about his physical death because he is not d e a d, but to keep my eyes on the fact that he is alive on the other side of the veil and that he is very happy there.  I love sharing memories about my son and that definitely keeps me in the light because there are so many wonderful memories with him and my daughter and the memories are full of laughter and joy.

I have seen programs and also read stories about people who “crossed over”; some had a choice to stay or return and they stated they did not want to come back because it was so deliciously heavenly, but because of their loved ones they decided to return.  I have heard it said that others weren’t given a choice; they were told that their job was not finished in the earthly realm and they must return.  My son, however; because of the impact of the drone didn’t have a choice.  I keep this in mind because it reminds me that it was simply time for him to return.  He has said to me that it is so peaceful and loving that there are no earthly words to describe the nonphysical realm where he is now.  I wish him to return but thinking about how happy he is and being in peace and the joy that he must derive from such exquisite surroundings I feel I should be happy for him even though I miss him as much as I do. 

He definitely has earned a much needed rest after four tours.  When our men come home from war it takes tremendous skill, determination and self-discipline to return to civilian life.  They have seen so much, go days without sleep, very little to eat, they are cold or hot and not a shower sometimes for weeks.  There are no soft beds, comfort or conveniences for them. They have to throw their underwear away because of how they have had to live weeks on end.  Their priorities change and to settle back into the life they had before is usually very difficult.

So RIP my son.  If you did impress my friends to share the flowers, chocolates and book with me then thank you as well.  I wish to thank you dear friends for being so thoughtful and in tune.

I will return to taking care of myself, focusing on my core energy and going to the energy source for strength, peace and wisdom.  I am learning to make it part of my routine to be happy for other’s good fortune and not dwell on my misfortune. 

It has only been a year and I believe by staying in the light and going to Spirit that I have been able to learn some very much needed survival skills which are the reason for my blog.  I hope my sharing has helped someone somewhere. 

I recently read that a very high profile couple who lost their child at sixteen in 2009 has now returned to having a happy life and has the will to live. Most who are not in our shoes do not understand this; it is not suicidal although I know some parents have gone that route; but you lose such a huge part of yourself that you do have to find the will to live, go forward purposefully with one tiny step after another, even though it is a rollercoaster ride and you take steps back and then forward again; at least you are moving.  My son shared this with me and it has helped me and has given me incentive to push forward and survive the tragedy that has befallen me and my family.

I am learning to implement much I have learned from this; keeping my thoughts in alignment with Spirit and not my mind running amuck, staying positive and being thankful for what remains.  It keeps me from the dreaded midnight that still calls me at times.

Thank you son for helping me, thank you to all the light beings, angels and the Universal God of Love and Light for the strength and the peace that does surpasses all understanding. 

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

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