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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy

The hours have passed; the minutes have clicked off one by one and now tonight the tragedy will unfold and perhaps is transpiring as it did one year ago.  I am thinking of this night regarding all the stress, duress, pressure and I know worry that must have plagued Jeremy and his unit.  I began feeling the familiar anxiety that I felt last year while I was vacationing in California.  The morning will be difficult because I know that I will be retracing the minutes, the steps, the verbiage and the whole scene of the uniforms coming to my front door with the life changing, earth shattering news that will transform and devastate my family for the rest of our lives.

I felt the need to go through this process in my head in honor of my son and in some way support him and be there with him; how I wish I could have protected him and kept him safe.

I will now permeate my soul with beautiful memories of Jeremy, everything that I can possibly conjure up from the time he was born and be thankful to God for every minute I had with him.  I am especially thankful that I had almost three years with him in my home, sharing meals, shopping, lunches, swimming and watching him enjoying his friends and grilling outside and all the beautiful meals he created from scratch; he was an excellent cook.  I am appreciative how he took interest in trying to help me sort my finances and be smart about how I handled my affairs.  I want to spend the rest of the night thinking how glorious and wonderful it was to be his mom and have those beautiful twenty-six years with him.  I am so very thankful that I was chosen to be his mom.

I know tomorrow is going to be tough, sad and emotional.  But I am determined to enjoy the flags I have had installed in his honor and his “street sign” that is made and put up in his honor.  I felt his presence so strong while these were being placed and installed and I sensed how special it was to him that I chose to honor him in this way.  I have made a “pathway” that has the flags strategically placed and as you walk down this path it ends with the sign that says “Memory Lane” and his name and rank on it.  It turned out perfect and I truly sensed how much it meant to him and how he truly enjoyed that I have done this for him.  It made me feel so wonderful and made me smile and felt true joy for having done this and knowing how much it meant to him.

The time is clicking and the Midnight hour is right on my heels.  But I am going to let Jeremy shine his “Sonshine” on this tragedy for me tonight and all day tomorrow and do my very best to find all kinds of ways to celebrate his life, all his wonderful qualities, how truly gorgeous he is in his physical form and now in his nonphysical form – his golden energy is breathtaking.

I will be asking God to assist, all the angels and light beings I will be reaching out for and hopefully I will sense Jeremy another time during this very hard day in the physical realm when he transitioned into the nonphysical realm.

It has been a very difficult year, very challenging and trying, very physically taxing and emotionally draining, but our family has made it through a year and we have learned more spiritually than we could have possibly absorb in a decade.

I am purifying my heart, focusing on my soul level and will not let my mind and thoughts be in control of what I think or how I will feel.  I will let the Spirit guide me and be controlled by and through my soul level.  I feel that Jeremy has something to share and I pray that I stay centered enough that he can reach me through the other side of the veil.

I will let my mantra be thank you to the Universal God for the honor of being Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith’s Mom.  03-09-85 – 04-06-11

I love you son and miss you in the physical realm immeasurably, Mom xxoo

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

Sharing a few pictures below:

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