Memoirs with Jeremy

I have been listening to my ipod to a lot of seasoned spiritual leaders from all arenas, meditation cds and trying to absorb as much spiritually as I can. 

The first thing I will say to that is; everything we need to know is already on the inside of us at our core, our Source, Energy, and Holy Spirit.  Every answer to every question resides within us at all times at this very moment.  It is one of the reasons that it is so important to be in the “now” and to not think entirely with our minds but with our spirit as well.

I have already had the revelation from Jeremy and the Spirit of God that when I am in “Midnight” it is harder for me to be contacted by the Spirit, Light Beings, Angels and my son. 

However; with each revelation I seem to have a deeper grasp than before; albeit the same revelation.  Meaning that until you really grasp what that means you can’t go as deep within yourself.  I have always thought that Jeremy saying “don’t stay in midnight” was for us to not grieve ourselves to death; which he knew that that was very much a possibility.  Hence; the reason I share as much as I do and try to reach those who are wearing the same shoes.

As time has gone on, Jeremy has said to me “don’t go to midnight”.  I have buckled up, grieved, cried and tell him how much I love and miss him because it is important to grieve and go through the “process”.  However; the dark bone chilling full of terror midnight is an altogether different place and when you go there you know you can’t stay for long or you will never return again.

In the last few months my grief has been “heavier” with the impending dates and I feel as though I haven’t had as many visits, talks and time with Jeremy, although I feel his presence.  Again, I put it together that when I am grieving this hard he cannot reach me.  I have to let the light shine on the grief to receive some relief, peace and a little comfort.  I don’t mean to understate this, but I know you relate because me being a “nubie” I am still entrenched in the stronghold of this tragedy.  I would like to state that I like to use the thought of Jeremy shining “his Sonshine onto my Midnight”; I get much comfort from that because I know he is here with me trying to help me and I realize now he is also teaching me how to go forward step by step.  I give credence, of course, to all the other angels and God and am so thankful that I have been blessed with Jeremy through this nightmare.

I have also brought the fact of keeping my heart aligned with Spirit, full of love, forgiveness and acceptance has helped me on the path of grief and has given me much strength; without focusing on love, forgiveness and acceptance and the Spirit; my mind seems to take over.

Today I was given a glimpse of how to more enter into “the real me”.  How to more easily access the being that is on the inside of me, the Source, the Energy, the Holy Spirit; I really don’t like labels, but different words for different people can hold such a different image.  With that said….I know that I must not let my mind rule me and keep me bound with dark thoughts and terror.

I began concentrating on leaving my mind and thoughts as neutral as possible and focus dwelling on the inside of me.  To access your spirit, your soul level you must first go in with forgiveness in your heart.  I visualize entering my soul level as though I am peeling back layers of an onion, i.e. forgiveness, acceptance, love and with as little grief as I can muster.  I found this morning as I lie there peeling back these layers and “purifying my heart” that as I entered into my soul level there was the faintest bit of a smile on my face.  I felt Jeremy’s presence so strong and it was as though we were smiling together.

I am not saying this should be your formula, for there isn’t one; but it is how I have been practicing and trying to clear the cobwebs from my heart, soul and mind.  It helps me with my grief so much that there are not enough powerful words to convey to you how truly healing it is.  Once I move from this and I don’t “practice” my routine then I find I start slipping back into darkness and my mind and grief start controlling me again.

Eckart Tolle in “The Power of Now” is so full of wisdom regarding being in the now and not letting your thoughts control you.  I will have to say; he has saved my life.

He (Mr. Tolle) uses an analogy that really helped me and paraphrased “think of the sun as the true source and all its energy and rays that goes forth are beams of spirit within us”… this is not exactly what he said but it was definitely how I visualized it which means even more to me because Jeremy knows he is my “Sonshine”.  It has been a pet name I have had for him for many years.

Besides the analogy of the Sun; it gave me a glimpse into how God has perhaps imparted his spirit into each of us.  It was a great analogy for me with the sun being as large, powerful with such energy and source of light; I just immediately transferred that image into God and the Universal Mind and Love of God and the Holy Spirit.  The sun being god and all the sunshine being his holy spirit that we can partake of, bask in and more importantly, depend on.

That energy source is within each of us but we do have to plug into it for it to have any effect on our lives. We have to focus on the source that has the power, all the knowledge of the Universe for it to be of any assistance to us.  I cannot believe all these years have gone by and so much of my life has been spent on letting my brain be my source instead of a tool to be used to function on the physical plane.

The source that is within us that ray of light that is so powerful is who we truly are.  Our bodies are just vehicles for the soul to reside in while we are on earth being educated on our private paths and journeys.  The Bible says that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit.

This to me is just another emphasis on that my son lives on and he is happy and probably somewhere along the line will start a new journey; however, I know I will see him again.  There is no time and space in the spirit realm and we again bind ourselves with “real time” on earth.  What may be 20 years here could possibly be “20 seconds” on the other side of the veil.

I always feel so much stronger and positive when I think of Jeremy being alive instead of all the negative ideas and dark thoughts of his passing.  I do so much better with the word transition, although, again words are just that – they are meant to communicate images and we each have a visualization regarding certain words.  What I hear and see you might translate into a totally different picture.

But I do wish to share with you my sense of the supernatural, the spirit realm and how my son is helping me to focus more on the real me that is inside of me and not the me that is my brain, mind or thoughts.  The brain is a tool and a very complicated, much needed and useful tool to function on the physical realm.  But the answers are much more accurate to any question you have if you let your spirit guide you and show you the way.

I share this today in hopes that you will access your core, go to your soul level and find a measure, even just a semblance of peace and comfort.

It is truly the only place I find any peace and comfort when it comes to the tragedy of losing Jeremy who had just started his physical plane life.  It is the only place I can find the strength to stay out of the terror of midnight.  It is the only place that I can rest and find relief from the pain and agony of grief.

It is also the place that I know that Jeremy and I connect. 

In love and deep understanding,

Sandra xx