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Monday, March 26, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy

I am taking advantage and enjoying the spring weather we are having in Texas.  Everything is so fresh, clean and beautiful.  I am beginning my mantra of thanksgiving and gratitude as soon as I begin to open my eyes.  I am making a point of strolling outside alone after taking care of my furry kids and I am striding through my backyard and thanking God for every beautiful thing I can find and all the beautiful wildlife songs and chirps I can hear.  I am very much focused and purposefully filling my heart with thanksgiving for the Universe, my family and my children.

I found a crystal globe of the world that fits in the middle of my palm; I gave this to Jeremy his first tour with the idea that even though he was on the other side of the world from me this was a symbol of us still being connected and always in my heart.  I am finding much comfort in making this globe part of my thanksgiving mantra each morning and am finding throughout the day it reminds me to be more thankful on a more consistent basis.  It is very special to me and a very strong symbol of my love reaching across the world to Jeremy at all times; and now through the Universal veil.

I share this because I find that the more my heart is full of love and thanksgiving for any and everything that I can find to be thankful for pivots me towards strength, love, acceptance and just that flutter across my soul level knowing that Jeremy is very much connected; as in one with the Universal Mind and Love of God and with me.

I have always respected the life of trees, plants and wildlife; I have always been mesmerized by the moon, stars and planets.  The sun has always been so healing for me and I have always loved basking in its warmth.  It means so much more to me now; for one Jeremy is my “Sonshine” and has taught me to stay out of “Midnight” and with each tree, star, moon and sun there is such a powerful connection when I let my soul be in control of my thoughts and emotions.

I am learning more each day to not let my mind and thoughts take control of me.  I am learning to turn more on the inside of myself and rely on the inner me for guidance and direction from my core.  I am listening more at my soul level and I have had on so many occasions love to be put to a test.  When I don’t meet the criteria; I make sure I take back all the negative thoughts and begin sending out good intentions, love and begin praying for the best for family, friends and the world.  We need to remember that we are human, we will have challenges on top of the hardest and most devastating challenge we face today. We need to allow ourselves to grieve, but I feel if I can keep my heart and soul in love and acceptance through all of this then I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.

I have had to work very hard this month to keep my heart and soul in alignment with God and the Universe because of my son’s birthday this month and his transition day shortly.  It has been for me more challenging and harder emotionally and in some ways it is like going right back to the inception of our tragedy but with the knowledge of it.

However; making sure I have a heart of gratitude, thanksgiving and love makes it so very much easier to survive each day that my son isn’t with me.  I last saw him in January 2011 and last “heard” from him via text in February 2011.   So it seems a lifetime without him already and these days approaching his transition day are unbearable.

To help bear these harder days I am making sure that I sleep when I can because some nights are more difficult than others to get proper rest.  I am also making sure I am staying hydrated and trying to eat foods that are nourishing even if it’s nuts, fruits, granola, some greens, etc.  This coupled with thanksgiving, gratitude and love filling my soul and being in alignment with the Spirit is my strength, spiritual power of God which I am so thankful for the measure of peace and comfort that has been granted me.

I pray that we all find that semblance of peace and comfort with spiritual strength abound. 

In love and understanding,
Sandra xx

Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith, USMC - home from his second tour to Iraq ( he did three tours to Iraq and last one to Afghanistan)

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