It is most painful to
realize what a difference a day makes. I
was thinking this morning it was this time last year that a trip to California
was in the makings; the first vacation in years. I can’t help but believe that God sent me off
to be out of my own environment so as to not be in touch with all that was
about to take place. If I had been home;
it would have driven me mad. But, because
I was with a special friend and we retraced all the steps and locations that we
had taken Jeremy to a few years prior my mind wasn’t in the usual mode when he
was on deployment; however; he was with us every second of every day and went
to every place that he loved, including Carmel. There is no way I can describe to you how his
spirit with was me and it was as though we were vacationing together and seeing
the same things through the same eyes.
Now it is as
different as light and darkness are. I really
have to focus on the fact that Jeremy has transitioned. The closer to his transition day; the more
difficult it gets – is has be an entire year; actually more than a year since I
heard his voice or saw him.
I was reminded
through a daily thought I receive online that our bodies are merely vehicles
for our spirits to reside in. The Bible
states that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. So removing our bodies from our spirits is a
form of undressing ourselves; coming in from a long day; removing the clothing
and getting into something much more comfortable that makes you calm, peaceful
and happy.
This is my focus
today; a huge emphasis of transformation and transitioning into a much better,
more comfortable, more pleasurable, more peaceful and happy than what Jeremy
was clothed with before.
Yes, I miss him
terribly. I ache to see his smile and
hear his laughter and having him teasing me and the pet names he had for me;
how he loved his family and friends. The
list is never ending; I miss him until it hurts and breaks my heart again.
But, focus is what I
must do; to not just do this, but do it right. It is not just for us to go through this; but
go through this right. If it is worth
doing, then it is worth doing right.
I know we must grieve;
it is part of the process. It is for
me, not to go into the Midnight, the terrifying bone chilling Midnight, but to
grieve and not let darkness be a cloth draped over me. To pull myself from that horrid darkness and
let the light of God shine on me and cover me in what only the light can do;
bring a semblance of peace and comfort to my aching heart and body. “You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God
turns my darkness into light. Psalms 18:28.”
With the light of God
with me I know that Jeremy is just on the other side of the veil, he is just
across the river beds and he is a whisper away when I need him, just as our
God, the Universal Mind and Love of God that gives us peace that surpasses all
understanding.
I know one day there
will be joy again; I believe there will be after a long haul of finding a new
normalcy. But, until that day arrives I
want to thank God for giving me peace and comfort and keeping the light on me
and with His love and compassion showing me the way to find a semblance of
peace and enough comfort to bear the hardest and most challenging and
devastating tragedy a parent could ever face.
Without God, and being one with the Universal Mind and Love, with the
oneness and the connection I have had I would not be in that peace that
surpasses all understanding and I truly marvel that I am and it does far
surpass anything I can comprehend that I can find a measure of peace and comfort
and I know that God is holding my hand and Jeremy is supporting me.
I wish to thank you
Lord, thank you Jeremy and thank you to all the angels and light beings that
have been here and are here for me.
Thank you all for
your prayers and support and know that I pray for all the parents who have lost
children and are going through what they do also in the preparation of that
loss. I know we as Marine Mom’s tried to
steel and brace ourselves for the news you wish to never hear and the uniforms
that are standing outside your door.
No matter what the
situation is or the circumstances you can never be prepared for this kind of
heart break; you have to find the will to live through it. Then you have to decide if you are going to
live through it; to live through it right; get your spirit, soul and body
aligned with the Universal Mind of God and let your spirit soar with revelations,
confirmations and the faith and peace that only comes from our living God.
Truly in deep
understanding and love,
Sandra xxoo
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