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Sunday, March 18, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy


It is most painful to realize what a difference a day makes.  I was thinking this morning it was this time last year that a trip to California was in the makings; the first vacation in years.  I can’t help but believe that God sent me off to be out of my own environment so as to not be in touch with all that was about to take place.  If I had been home; it would have driven me mad.  But, because I was with a special friend and we retraced all the steps and locations that we had taken Jeremy to a few years prior my mind wasn’t in the usual mode when he was on deployment; however; he was with us every second of every day and went to every place that he loved, including Carmel.  There is no way I can describe to you how his spirit with was me and it was as though we were vacationing together and seeing the same things through the same eyes.

Now it is as different as light and darkness are.  I really have to focus on the fact that Jeremy has transitioned.  The closer to his transition day; the more difficult it gets – is has be an entire year; actually more than a year since I heard his voice or saw him.

I was reminded through a daily thought I receive online that our bodies are merely vehicles for our spirits to reside in.  The Bible states that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit.  So removing our bodies from our spirits is a form of undressing ourselves; coming in from a long day; removing the clothing and getting into something much more comfortable that makes you calm, peaceful and happy.

This is my focus today; a huge emphasis of transformation and transitioning into a much better, more comfortable, more pleasurable, more peaceful and happy than what Jeremy was clothed with before.

Yes, I miss him terribly.  I ache to see his smile and hear his laughter and having him teasing me and the pet names he had for me; how he loved his family and friends.  The list is never ending; I miss him until it hurts and breaks my heart again.

But, focus is what I must do; to not just do this, but do it right.  It is not just for us to go through this; but go through this right.  If it is worth doing, then it is worth doing right.

I know we must grieve; it is part of the process.   It is for me, not to go into the Midnight, the terrifying bone chilling Midnight, but to grieve and not let darkness be a cloth draped over me.  To pull myself from that horrid darkness and let the light of God shine on me and cover me in what only the light can do; bring a semblance of peace and comfort to my aching heart and body.  “You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. Psalms 18:28.”

With the light of God with me I know that Jeremy is just on the other side of the veil, he is just across the river beds and he is a whisper away when I need him, just as our God, the Universal Mind and Love of God that gives us peace that surpasses all understanding.

I know one day there will be joy again; I believe there will be after a long haul of finding a new normalcy.  But, until that day arrives I want to thank God for giving me peace and comfort and keeping the light on me and with His love and compassion showing me the way to find a semblance of peace and enough comfort to bear the hardest and most challenging and devastating tragedy a parent could ever face.  Without God, and being one with the Universal Mind and Love, with the oneness and the connection I have had I would not be in that peace that surpasses all understanding and I truly marvel that I am and it does far surpass anything I can comprehend that I can find a measure of peace and comfort and I know that God is holding my hand and Jeremy is supporting me.

I wish to thank you Lord, thank you Jeremy and thank you to all the angels and light beings that have been here and are here for me.

Thank you all for your prayers and support and know that I pray for all the parents who have lost children and are going through what they do also in the preparation of that loss.  I know we as Marine Mom’s tried to steel and brace ourselves for the news you wish to never hear and the uniforms that are standing outside your door.

No matter what the situation is or the circumstances you can never be prepared for this kind of heart break; you have to find the will to live through it.  Then you have to decide if you are going to live through it; to live through it right; get your spirit, soul and body aligned with the Universal Mind of God and let your spirit soar with revelations, confirmations and the faith and peace that only comes from our living God.

Truly in deep understanding and love,

Sandra xxoo

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