I have close to an
entire year of discovering how to face the depth of a surviving parent. I decided that journaling my spiritual experiences
with Jeremy and sharing them with other surviving parents might help us
all. I, however; in doing so have had to
share some of my ups and downs, steps back and then forward again and mostly
learning how to stay out of “Midnight”.
That hasn’t been the focus of my journals for me, however; in sharing
something so intensely personal I hope that it has helped in some small way; as
in you are not going insane although you feel as though you might.
My intent is to
focus on the fact that Jeremy has visited me and has helped me; in many
different ways. He has spoken to me,
encouraged me and I have seen his beautiful energy.
Within this intention
of sharing my spiritual journey via memoirs my sole purpose has been to
encourage all surviving parents that your children do live on. We are on this physical plane which is only
temporary; our bodies are just vehicles that clothe our spirit; the real us,
which is infinite.
It has been by far
the most important thing for me to hold onto; albeit, I believed in life after
death before. But, when it comes to your
children you never stop loving them, protecting them and care for them; even
after their transition.
I have heard it said
by others that “they thought” they felt my son’s presence. I have had it told to me by family and
friends specific things that has been said or done that that they knew it was
my son.
As painful as this
is, I realized today that although I am so very thankful for the peace that surpasses
all understanding; that I can actually be joyful that my son is in such an extraordinary
place; happy, peaceful, at rest and full of love and acceptance.
I have been looking
for joy in all the wrong places at this point and time in my life. I have even been selfish enough to demand he
return to us. I have missed him and will
always miss him, but I am refocusing on where he is and how well he is doing.
You see, once again,
going up and down that ladder of grief.
I have been here before; it just perhaps more clear to me today that
maybe my son truly doesn’t want to return.
Maybe Jeremy has much more important business to handle than to return
to his family at this time.
I know I will see him
again; there is no doubt of that for me.
I have to remember that where Jeremy is there is no time and space realization;
time is a physical earthbound “state of mind”.
We watch the clock, click off the days, watch for the months ahead planning
for holidays, vacations, etc.
Where Jeremy, Ssgt.
Jeremy D. Smith USMC, is today is so astounding and beautiful and he is so happy
and his energy is glorious. I want him
to rest and have peace and reside in the land of the bountiful where there is
no evil, fear or sorrow.
I wish to thank you
God, Universal Spirit, Universal Love for refreshing my spirit and soul. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I
believe there is one God for all nations, but being from different cultures,
countries and various backgrounds I believe we see God by those
influences. I do believe Jesus, the most
outstanding prophet to this day, died on the cross for us. I believe he died for the sins of
religion. I believe “my God” is a loving
God and He has given me revelations, sometimes via Jeremy, He has definitely
given me again today the peace that surpasses all understanding.
I pray for all
survivors that they be wrapped in peace today, just a measure of peace helps.
I pray that we all
accept and love each other and respect the paths that our own personal journeys
take us on regardless of age, color, religion, politics or beliefs.
I pray that our
beautiful nation that my son died for heals and returns to her original state
of justice and beauty.
In love, acceptance
and deep understanding,
Sandra xx
Proud Mom of Ssgt
Jeremy D Smith, USMC 03-09-85 – 04-06-11
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