I have close to an entire year of discovering how to face the depth of a surviving parent. I decided that journaling my spiritual experiences with Jeremy and sharing them with other surviving parents might help us all. I, however; in doing so have had to share some of my ups and downs, steps back and then forward again and mostly learning how to stay out of “Midnight”. That hasn’t been the focus of my journals for me, however; in sharing something so intensely personal I hope that it has helped in some small way; as in you are not going insane although you feel as though you might.
My intent is to focus on the fact that Jeremy has visited me and has helped me; in many different ways. He has spoken to me, encouraged me and I have seen his beautiful energy.
Within this intention of sharing my spiritual journey via memoirs my sole purpose has been to encourage all surviving parents that your children do live on. We are on this physical plane which is only temporary; our bodies are just vehicles that clothe our spirit; the real us, which is infinite.
It has been by far the most important thing for me to hold onto; albeit, I believed in life after death before. But, when it comes to your children you never stop loving them, protecting them and care for them; even after their transition.
I have heard it said by others that “they thought” they felt my son’s presence. I have had it told to me by family and friends specific things that has been said or done that that they knew it was my son.
As painful as this is, I realized today that although I am so very thankful for the peace that surpasses all understanding; that I can actually be joyful that my son is in such an extraordinary place; happy, peaceful, at rest and full of love and acceptance.
I have been looking for joy in all the wrong places at this point and time in my life. I have even been selfish enough to demand he return to us. I have missed him and will always miss him, but I am refocusing on where he is and how well he is doing.
You see, once again, going up and down that ladder of grief. I have been here before; it just perhaps more clear to me today that maybe my son truly doesn’t want to return. Maybe Jeremy has much more important business to handle than to return to his family at this time.
I know I will see him again; there is no doubt of that for me. I have to remember that where Jeremy is there is no time and space realization; time is a physical earthbound “state of mind”. We watch the clock, click off the days, watch for the months ahead planning for holidays, vacations, etc.
Where Jeremy, Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC, is today is so astounding and beautiful and he is so happy and his energy is glorious. I want him to rest and have peace and reside in the land of the bountiful where there is no evil, fear or sorrow.
I wish to thank you God, Universal Spirit, Universal Love for refreshing my spirit and soul. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I believe there is one God for all nations, but being from different cultures, countries and various backgrounds I believe we see God by those influences. I do believe Jesus, the most outstanding prophet to this day, died on the cross for us. I believe he died for the sins of religion. I believe “my God” is a loving God and He has given me revelations, sometimes via Jeremy, He has definitely given me again today the peace that surpasses all understanding.
I pray for all survivors that they be wrapped in peace today, just a measure of peace helps.
I pray that we all accept and love each other and respect the paths that our own personal journeys take us on regardless of age, color, religion, politics or beliefs.
I pray that our beautiful nation that my son died for heals and returns to her original state of justice and beauty.
In love, acceptance and deep understanding,
Proud Mom of Ssgt Jeremy D Smith, USMC 03-09-85 – 04-06-11