Memoirs with Jeremy

Seven steps of grieving:

1)   Shock and denial

2)   Pain and guilt

3)   Anger and bargaining

4)   Depression, reflection, and loneliness

5)   Upward turn

6)   Reconstruction and working through

7)   Acceptance and hope

Some days I go up and down the ladder of grieving many times a day.  I have come to one more place that isn’t mentioned; for me it is feeling totally empty; not as in being lonely or in reflection but just so empty I can’t feel a thing inside physically and mentally numb and although I feel I need to cry; I just can’t manage that at the moment.  Maybe it is from exhaustion and the entire gambit of the grieving ladder.

I took time today to ponder this and just sat still and all I could feel was the breath flowing in and out as I inhaled and exhaled.  I started concentrating on the breath and soon realized how spiritual the breath truly is and it helped me to center and align my soul level with Spirit.

When Jeremy transitioned in April 2011 it helped me to check myself in regards to where I was regarding the ladder of grief; it helped to relate to others that were going through the same agony and it is for me a measurement of where I am, but some days I go up and down the ladder; many times a day.  I have a feeling I will be travelling up and down this ladder for years to come.

My son’s birthday is just around the corner and I know this is having a major impact on me and how I am assessing everything; especially myself.  What a huge hurtle to manage and then a few weeks later another hurtle will be his transition date.  It was amazing how focusing on my breath helped me to transform my energy from lethargy to feeling spiritual with love and gratitude again.

One thing I have experimented on was something I read in Hicks-Abraham and that is when we inhale deeply at that point of our breath we are one with our core and we enter into the Vortex.  “It is the flowing of Spirit to you and through you.” (Hicks-Abraham) 

Also, Eckhart Tolle makes a great point of …..  “Notice the brief cessation of the breath, particularly the still point at the end of the out-breath, before you start breathing again.”  Because it is at this point you will notice that “one conscious breath is enough to make some space where before there was the uninterrupted succession of one thought after another”.  (Eckhart Tolle)

At the still point, at the end of the out-breath is where the Spirit is flowing to you and through you and many revelations can come from that pure moment of being in the Vortex when you let go of thoughts and float in Spirit for a while and just be in the now.

This is where we are aligning our inner selves with our outer selves balancing our world as we know it fulfilling our destinies, letting spirit guide us in all things and knowing that within our core is all the answers to every question we have.  For it is there we are one with the Universe, the Vortex, our Core, the Supreme Being, our God.  It is within these moments of being conscious of THE NOW we find our peace and become One with the Universal Mind.

It helped me so much today and I began feeling better spirit, soul and body instantly.  I was able to step out onto my deck and share the sunshine with my furry kids and just bask in the beauty of the Universe and fell into gratitude and love and felt my spirit aligning with the Universal Love of God.

How does anyone endure and process such a tragic loss in their lives without God, our Loving Spirit, the Universe and all oneness and the connection we have to all things and all beings.

My help today was the nudge from my son to enjoy the “Sonshine” and my furry kids and we did enjoy each other, the Universe and was again so thankful that my son was helping to encourage a turnaround at my core. 

We must take good care of ourselves – spirit, soul and body, exceptionally good care to be the champions our children would have us to be.  Thank you again, dear God that you have let my son touch me spiritually again today.

Remember to breathe and meditate on the breath and what it means to us and for us. 

From my heart to yours and in love and deep understanding,

Sandra xx

I miss my precious son…… I know you understand too….xx