Namaste (nah mah
stay) – The spirit in me honors the spirit in you. xx
I have done a lot of
soul searching; especially the last few days.
The reflection I have looking back at me is that my children have
defined me. I was a stay at home Mom who
assisted with entrepreneurship businesses and put others through school, worked
while married and was never paid and therefore didn’t pay that much into social
security, 401’s, etc. While I was single
I did work for large corporations with excellent positions climbing up the ladder
in these well-known businesses and was doing quite well for myself financially
and was happy with the work I was doing at the time. Then I met “dad” and we had a wonderful
adventure, my daughter was born in Saudi Arabia; we returned and we were
blessed with Jeremy seven and a half years later. Despite their ages; my son and daughter were
so close that those who were ever around them remarked how remarkable it was
that they loved each other so much.
That was when my life
really came together for me. I loved
being home and raising my own children and that it be me that implemented the
structure, values, manners and morals, i.e. no regrets, two wrongs don’t make a
right, respect your elders, forgiveness, kindness, generosity and love.
Now…….my daughter is
grown and replicating her mom. She is
the best mom I have ever known. Thank
goodness that parenting skills evolve into better parenting skills through the
decades.
I am now, divorced,
my children who remain lives hours from me, my immediate family lives hours
from me and my son who had previously lived with me, has transitioned.
Yes, lots of soul
searching and reflection regarding life as it is now – the past, I choose the
good memories to be put into a very special treasure chest, the future hasn’t
the same goals as before and I am in a place of redefining my life and finding me,
who am I now?
Jeremy’s transition
has had such a life changing impact on his immediate family. We have grieved so hard you wonder how your physical
body survives the grief. That is, again,
why we are called survivors.
The journey has been
hard. You find a lot out about yourself
and how strong you can be when you have to be.
How wise you can be when you need to be.
Also, how you can utterly be irrational and emotionally distraught in a
flash when your triggers have been pressed.
You become a quick
study on specific triggers and with others who are also grieving in their own
personal and private way; which we all do it differently. For me it has been an exceptional spiritual
journey, not perfect because it has been spiritual, but because of it being
spiritual I have had to learn forgiveness in ways I have never truly understood
before. I have had to learn to love
despite what has transpired and make sure at all times that my heart is as pure
as it can be towards everyone. I have
truly been going through the fire.
My son impressed on
me to start the year 2012 with a clean slate and a different approach regarding
how I grieve. It has quite literally been
impressive. It has been about specific
issues being resolved, the communication improving, Jeremy leading me to
specific things to read and to write, old friends calling out of the blue, help
arrives when needed and unexpectedly. I
believe with all my heart that this is due to Jeremy helping me through grief
and making it a little easier by letting me know he is with us still yet in another
dimension and that he is watching over his family.
One such reading was
Buddha, “The thoughts manifests as words.
The words manifest as deed. The
deed develops into habit and the habit harnesses into character. So watch the thoughts and its ways with care
and let it spring forth from love, born out of concern for all beings.” Buddha; “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.”
I was lead to Ghandi;
“A man is but the product of his thoughts.
What he thinks, he becomes.” And
then….Plato said, “Know thyself.”
These are men of
times so long ago who have spoken such wisdom and it still rings clear today
and is being taught in what is now being called “A New Thought” translation of
spirituality. Yet even Jesus taught the
same in the New Testament and became Christianity himself because it was such a
“New Thought” considering the religious leaders were the law then and are the
ones that put him on the cross. My
thinking is that he died because of religion and religious leaders and because
he was spiritual…. How loving and forgiving “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.”
These are ways I am
finding my lighted path and journey. I
can only survive this if I do so in love, forgiveness with true compassion and genuinely
care for others as they journey their own path and I in return accept and
respect the path they are on. I cannot
find my way but spiritually to this horrific tragedy yet miraculous transition
for my son. He is truly even more
beautiful in the spirit realm.
I believe this is the
new thought, the shift to come and has been for a long time now. We have made countless turnovers with wars,
hippie era, religion and churches, but bottom line is in the pureness of love.
It is a love so pure that when you go through the fire you can only be in deep
understanding and acceptance of others.
There are times I
feel lost, times I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders because
the grief is so heavy, there are times I feel empty, times I am so exhausted
from grief all I can do is sleep. But
when I hear Jeremy’s voice saying to me now “don’t go to Midnight”, when he
reaches out and puts his arm around me and helps me to bed and tucks me in,
when I hear him laugh and say things that I know only it would be he that would
say certain things, certain ways; the list goes on. He is my Sonshine on this lighted path that
if succumb to would be total darkness, he is my guardian angel just as he
promised in his letter. He is my hope
and every glimpse of him in the other dimension knowing that he still truly
lives is the lifeline I have had through becoming more spiritual and responsive
to his spirit and has been my strength.
I am so thankful to God and the Universal Mind of God and the Universal
Love of God that I have been blessed with the knowledge that my son truly lives
on and is with us still.
I don’t know how long
we will be blessed with his presence; all I know is that he has guarded and
watched over me and his family. He is
beautiful, beautiful golden energy and yet he has not changed, he still has
that wonderful sense of humor and can make you laugh and put a smile on your
face in a flash.
I treasure these
moments. Jeremy was with me a lot during
the inception of this new path we are on.
I know he watches over me all the time, however; I believe he has had to
pull back a little so that I can learn to do this in my own strength and
time. Yet, he is here in a flash when it
gets too rough and it still does often.
This has been a real
kick in the rear for me and my family.
But we choose to be as brave in life as Jeremy was in death. He never compromised his beliefs or character
and we hope to be true champions through this as he has been in the physical
realm and now in the nonphysical realm.
May this journey
bring enlightenment, love and acceptance to all beings and may we be great
students of truth, light and strength.
In love and deep
understanding,
Sandra xx
Proud mom of Ssgt.
Jeremy D. Smith, United States Marine Corps
03-09-85 – 04-06-11
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