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Saturday, February 4, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy

"Mind over matter" as the Marines say.  I can't help but think about all of our men and for those of us as parents, "our boys", who have come home with PTSD and having to push down the horrors, discomforts, fear and tragedy that accompanies them on their return home.  I have but a small version of PTSD compared to what they have endured. 

I have had it said to me that my son volunteered; no one made him join the Marines, albeit a harsh statement; it is the truth.  I know our high school boys joined before they graduated and did so voluntarily; there was no stopping my son and it pivoted from the terrorist act of 9/11.  I am sure "our boys" from all States joined for the same reason. 

I only wish that for those who are returning, Jeremy's unit, so many in Afghanistan who have lost brothers that they find the support, love and comfort that is so needed.  Yet, they will not share nor convey what they still see in their heads day and night.  They are Marines and I know from all branches of the military it is tough to come home and return to civilian life.

Those who try to protests our sons at their grave site do not understand that the heart of our boys is about our country and protecting her and their families.  The military takes them, breaks them and rebuilds them again - there is no way one of them could survive the horror of war if the protocol of boot camp was not completed. 

Jeremy returned home his last tour from Iraq and I marvelled at how well he was returning from this trip.  I know now that he had learned to push it away and tuck it somewhere so that his family wouldn't be burdened or hurt by his pain or what he had to do to survive and bring his men home.

I relate to the red flags now because of my PTSD that is full blown by the tragedy of my son's death.  I wish I could gather each one of our boys and love them back to where they once lived without having to witness such cruelty and horrors.  Yet, my son was a Marine through and through and it made one hell of a man out of him and he was proud to be a Marine.  Such a paradox for I wouldn't change that of him.  Just wishing there could be some balance and that life could have been a little easier on my son; our American Hero, our sons all American Heroes.  Jeremy was my champion and hero then and is now.

Thank you Jeremy for protecting our America and all she stands for.....xx  Thank you to all of our Marines and each one of our "kids" in every branch of the military - thank you for all you have done and have sacrificed for us.

These are my thoughts today because I am learning to put mind over matter and it is the only relief I am getting from the insanity of the war and my son dying in Afghanistan.  Mind over matter; it puts me in the driver's seat and prompts me to be more in control of my life which offers me some relief from the torment of grief. 

Mind over matter; releases me from the bondage of hell and lets me grieve my way without being in the terror of darkness that feels like hell itself. 

Mind over matter; frees me to love my son, celebrate his life, respect his journey and do so in the light and with spiritual understanding and not letting my mind take me to all the dark passages that it would lead me.

Mind over matter; leads me beside quiet waters, restores my soul and comforts me. 

With love and understanding,

Proud Mom of Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith United States Marine Corps

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