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Friday, January 6, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy

I start the day off with the reminder to give it my best to live outside the pain that resides in my physical realm and we as parents know that the pain will never desist; it will always be there for us to deal with until we have completed our journey.  That is a given.  So if it never goes away; we have to learn to live "with" it.

Living outside of the "pain body" for me is focusing on my daughter and grandchildren; it is being thankful they remain and my family too, of course. There are many more blessings that are huge significantly and some small, but I try to remember them all.   I am very thankful for the time I did have with my son and if this was all I were to have, I would do it again to have that time with him.

I don't know how one survives this without going into their spirit and living at their core, their energy source.  My idea of being "plugged in" is like putting an electrical cord into the face of a wall socket and then I have power.  It is much the same spiritually and once I unplug I can feel the power source, strength, will, love and energy begin its depletion.

I am not speaking of just the physical things as going to church, going to a bible study or going to counseling, which these are all good things.  I am speaking of being directly plugged into God, Mother Nature, and the Universe from the center of our core; at our soul level.

This is my best at surviving; some days better than others, but I am going forward.  Today is a particularly harder day than yesterday...I started by being thankful for breath I was able to take and I wanted to immediately share with you - if today is worth doing; it is worth doing right.

I know my son wants me to survive this I cannot bear the thought of the burden I might put on him if I didn't.  I hope to do this as a champion for myself,  but also for my son and family.

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