Memoirs with Jeremy

This is an email that I wrote to one of my dearest friends.  She lost her son right after Jeremy passed.  We have been long time friends with a very parallel journey; now we share this as well.  I decided this to be my blog today.....taking my own advice - if you are gonna talk the talk you gotta walk the walk.....as hard as it may be and this is a bumpy road for sure:

I've been up since about 5:00. As you know it's difficult first thing when you open your eyes, even before the eyes flutter open......

I have been thinking of our boys. I wanted to share with you in hopes it will help keep your heart focused on the "bigger" picture.

I have had to ask myself many times a very hard question and that is - If I could go back in time and save my son's physical life, would I? Knowing that he saved so many more lives in his sacrifice? The answer is no I could not. Not for myself nor would I interfere with his journey.

Although our sons are on one end of the spectrum than the other, “K” did no less with his contract than Jeremy did. You, “K” and Spirit made an agreement regarding this journey, he endured and it took courage for him to live and it took courage for him to fulfill his "contract". I have no doubt that his life has saved many others - there is no way to know how many because of the domino affect it has had and will continue to have. He may have not accomplished what you as a mom would have preferred, he may have not received a medal for what he endured, but you can sure count on he received the highest achievement in the heavenly realm, in the nonphysical spirit realm because it took bravery for him to go through all that he did. There is not the slightest doubt because he was "needed as an example" for others that he has saved many, many more.....although we wish and grieve for our sons...the impact of their bravery leaves us behind and now it is about how we finish......

Just a thought, a hard one; but this is the legacy our sons have left us.....we have to be as brave in life as they were in death..... Paradoxical to say the least for those of us as parents......very contradictory to what we hoped for in our journey; nonetheless it is up to us to make them proud now.

I find it very interesting how we met, kept up with each other and now facing the hardest task of all - it just doesn't get harder than this..... There are reasons why we agreed to stay longer and we will make them proud, I know it. It cannot be for naught......sucks for us, but again there is a much bigger picture and it will be unveiled one day or maybe one inch at a time......

I love you my dear sweet friend....let us be brave today and may we fulfill our journey with as much courage as our sons have.....

I guess it is the Mom in me.....this tragedy will not be in vain, "the legacy" will be fulfilled.... I know you agree too....

I pray you find the encouragement in this as intended... I love you so much and it breaks my heart that you have to learn to live with this, this is the kind of heartbreak that cannot be mended but we can put things back in order according to the "big plan", contract, the pack we evidently made with God and the Universe.....we will never have to do this again and neither will our sons.....so let's go forth and finish like champions.

Sucks a tree trunk though.......just sayin'......xxoo