It is hard to believe that it will be seven years in April since I have had the blessing of giving Jeremy a bear hug, buying him a gift, cook a meal for him, giggle at his contagious laugh and feel his wonderful energy permeating every step he takes. Everyone has moved on since the tragic events of our life and we; his immediate family, are still trying to piece ourselves back together and be functional again. Every day is another day we miss him more. But.....as time has passed we have learned to live with this horrific event and move forward. It has taken a long time and every day of our lives will be learning to keep going forward. It is a life sentence yet we can somehow manage to get to the point that we incorporate this tragedy into our very existence. It has not nor will ever be an easy journey.
I have learned that I can prepare a meal in his memory and I am thankful I still can remember the sound of his glorious laughter and I am blessed that every so often I am granted a few moments to look upon his very beautiful energy and spirit. He still has that same great smile - it is magnified and more pure than before and it fills every cell with an indescribable energy and peace that surpasses all understanding.
I wish still we could go back and do a "do-over" but yet in the same breathe I know that this was entirely Jeremy's journey and he lived it his way. I wanted to beg him not to go yet I knew it would serve no purpose except heartache .... he knew what had to be done - he possessed sheer determination and selflessness to do what he knew he was called to.
So as a Mom I wanted to be selfish...... and so as a Mom I knew I could do nothing but give him 200% support and eternal love.
I am blessed and privileged to have been such a major part of his life - I would do it all again and again to have the blessing of being his Mom. I have things I wish I could take back, or done or said.....but moreover - I have wonderful, beautiful memories I cherish with my son.
I love you son and am so very proud of you.
Gold Star Mom,
Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC
03-09-85-04-06-11
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