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Saturday, December 14, 2013

Memoirs with Jeremy

Christmastime has always been my favorite holiday of the year.  I have always gone all out with lights, displays, ornaments big tree and all the glitter.

I am proud to report that I have done so this year.  It has taken inner core strength but I have a home that is full of light and Christmas décor.

I have said before that in some ways I feel I am with Jeremy more than when he was with us in the physical realm.  I say it is so today and has been since he transitioned.  I am not feeling his presence as strongly when the darkest hours were upon us, but still he makes sure to communicate on so many different levels to let me know that he does live on; just a different kind of "deployment".

I find I do things for Jeremy too.  Including the Christmas décor and happy memories of which we have many.  I "share" coffee with him and some of his favorite meals.  I will purposely do something just because I know how much he loves it.

I am finding the new normal.  My Christmas day with Jeremy has been a specific movie that "we" watch together along with whatever Christmas joy that can be mustered.

He tells me ALL the time "I am with you Mom" and I know he is.  If I focus on his life and beautiful strong energy and his transition, I find I am stronger and braver than I could ever believe possible.  I cannot focus on his physical demise for it is too difficult, dark and such strong, powerful negative emotion.  I miss him in this realm so very, very much, but I am so happy for Jeremy that he is safe, secure, warm, happy and loved and can take the time to do his hearts desire.

In my son's memory this year at Christmas I hope that love, peace, joy and contentment finds a never ending place in our hearts.

I love you son with every passing moment - I love you more than words could ever convey.  Proud Mom of SSgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC - xxxxxx

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