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Monday, March 25, 2013

Memoirs with Jeremy


The only way I survive Jeremy's transition is keeping my eyes on his "life now". I cannot endure this without the knowledge, faith/trust that Jeremy does live on. I am convinced that Jeremy (and Jerry, Shay, etc.) agreed to this in another dimension and in the light of expedient growth spiritually chose this destiny for us all. It is the only way I can make sense of it – all though there are many arenas to this, i.e., all the lives/spirits he touched in his physical form. There were so many lives in the battlefields that he ministered to and kept together in their darkest hours; as has been shared with me. I am so proud of him and have learned greater depths to who he was while journeying with us in this life. I am amazed at the strength and the presence spiritually that he moved in. His growth spiritually while in combat seems a paradox yet evident in his life when he returned home. I had the blessing of watching him walk the talk while he lived with me. I stood in amazement on a daily basis.

I thought in the beginning grief would kill me and often times wished it would. I have staggered from the "midnight" (Jeremy's word) into light and Jeremy was the one there holding my hand, tucking me into bed, sitting on the side of my bed night after night watching over me; telling me I can do this. "You can do this, Mom". How selfish grief truly is. He is the one that experienced more harshness in life; things that few could endure and still have such light in his that permeated his being (hence, the paradox). I know he watches over each of us and that he cheers us on.

While we sit in church becoming more spiritual and spreading the love to those in the church Jeremy walked the "shores of Galilee" in real life. It is a testament to be sure. Not meaning to sound caustic ....but our military endures horrors so that we can live a life of freedom and ask nothing in return.  I have seen my son humbled by those who thanked him.  His service truly came from the core of his being.

Am I an advocate of war.....no more than you……yet there are those who have tried to take our security …. I think and thank all of you that stepped to the plate regarding 9/11…

I have lived by Matthew 6:25-36, but it has deeper meaning for me today. You make choices as a survivor and mine is that I am in the hands of God (with Jeremy right there) and the Universe provides every small morsel I need to get through every second of every day. Then before you know it you have managed a day without Midnight beckoning you; each day provides a little more light with many storms between each heartbeat.

I don't "hear" from Jeremy as often, but there is no doubt he is always with me; one foot in the door always. The connection is greater than anything I can imagine. The oneness in all things is so evident that I feel him in the breeze, see him in the trees and hear his voice at all times within me. I have had many spiritual connections with him…each one almost "magical" yet so real....I have literally seen his energy.

I cannot imagine a parent going through this without the vibration of life, the energy of Spirit, the loyalty of God, the love and wisdom of Jesus and all ascended “masters”….

I choose to celebrate April 06, 2013 as Jeremy's rebirth day. :) His birth day in March has a horrendous effect on me, but I did do better this year.

I wish I knew to the depth what I know now, but it is about each of us growing up, completing our personal journeys-being true to ourselves and respecting all walk ways of life; respecting the spirit in each of us.

 

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