I think of Jeremy all
the time and I always see his smile and how full of life he always was and is;
he lived his physical life with passion and I now know that he lived moment by
moment, day by day. During this time I
am the person who is reading and practicing living in the Now when all the time
my son had learned this very essential secret to life. In reflection due to the tragedies he witnessed
and encountered constantly in the battlefield he knew more of living in the Now
than I have given credence to.
It gives me peace
knowing that he knew and engaged this vital piece of data in his life at all
times. Also in reflection, I remember when he would remind me of
how small in comparison some drama was in the big scope of life. It is beautiful and amazing in the reflecting
moments this morning that he did truly live his life to the fullest and in the
Now.
I think of his
energy, our DNA, our closeness as mom and son and our connectedness – our oneness
now and the experiments that were performed in the Chopra Center and how that
relates to time, space and energy and it gives me more clarity of the Oneness
of the Universal Mind and Spirit. We
each have the essential part of the Oneness, the Energy that connects us to God. I am truly grasping that time and space are irrelevant
and being in the Now is where we should each live; in this very moment, for it
is truly all we have.
When I began to ask
the question of how will I go on with my life, how will I live through this,
how will I ever smile again, how will I ever know joy in this lifetime; how do
I do this? I realize more now that
happiness wanes; it comes and goes; in and out of our lives like the waves of
the ocean, but if we let those waves cleanse us as it does the sand when it
returns back to the body of the ocean we will soon realize that in all the turbulent
strength of the ocean is a calmness and peace that truly does surpass all
understanding.
I have not wanted to “let
go” of Jeremy; I have learned I will never have to for we are connected by
spiritual energy. I have not wanted to
accept that he will not return home; but in realization of he is home there is
much peace and with that I sense him at all times so there is his presence that
brings me comfort and helps me not to resist and struggle against the physical;
knowing I can rest in the spiritual realization of acceptance in his
transition.
I am not cutting
myself off from my emotions; it is imperative that I feel these as deeply as I
can when I can. It doesn’t mean I am in
denial; reality has it me like a brick wall.
It does mean through acceptance that this will not change and this is my
life experience, my condition or my life’s situation I surrender my spirit to
God, the Universal Mind and will learn even more from my son regarding the
powerfulness of living in the Now.
Somehow the process of acceptance of our family tragedy transmutes the
agony and despair into an inner peace.
I am not going to
Midnight, at least Jeremy knows now I will not stay there. I embrace the Sonshine and am in acceptance of
being guided to greener pastures and still waters and it is restoring my soul.
As I write this I
sense Jeremy’s presence so strong that I actually have “chill bumps” on my
entire body. He is smiling at me and I
am actually smiling too.
I have been so
blessed with him as my Guardian Angel and I do with all my heart believe that
those we love watch over us and keep us safe until we can come to terms with
our tragedy of losing them in the physical plain.
I would like to think
that Jeremy will always be watching over me and I will continue to have these
visits with him. I do know that he will
always be a whisper away.
I have woken in the
night crying out and calling his name and it is as though he is the adult now
tucking me safely in and saying it will be okay Mom. And now, through all the anguish, tears,
agony, and tormenting hell; I somehow know I will be okay and I know without
the slightest doubt, my son is more than okay.
In love and
understanding,
Sandra xx
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