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Monday, February 13, 2012

Memoirs with Jeremy

I think of Jeremy all the time and I always see his smile and how full of life he always was and is; he lived his physical life with passion and I now know that he lived moment by moment, day by day.  During this time I am the person who is reading and practicing living in the Now when all the time my son had learned this very essential secret to life.  In reflection due to the tragedies he witnessed and encountered constantly in the battlefield he knew more of living in the Now than I have given credence to. 

It gives me peace knowing that he knew and engaged this vital piece of data in his life at all times.  Also in reflection, I remember when he would remind me of how small in comparison some drama was in the big scope of life.  It is beautiful and amazing in the reflecting moments this morning that he did truly live his life to the fullest and in the Now.

I think of his energy, our DNA, our closeness as mom and son and our connectedness – our oneness now and the experiments that were performed in the Chopra Center and how that relates to time, space and energy and it gives me more clarity of the Oneness of the Universal Mind and Spirit.  We each have the essential part of the Oneness, the Energy that connects us to God.  I am truly grasping that time and space are irrelevant and being in the Now is where we should each live; in this very moment, for it is truly all we have.

When I began to ask the question of how will I go on with my life, how will I live through this, how will I ever smile again, how will I ever know joy in this lifetime; how do I do this?  I realize more now that happiness wanes; it comes and goes; in and out of our lives like the waves of the ocean, but if we let those waves cleanse us as it does the sand when it returns back to the body of the ocean we will soon realize that in all the turbulent strength of the ocean is a calmness and peace that truly does surpass all understanding.

I have not wanted to “let go” of Jeremy; I have learned I will never have to for we are connected by spiritual energy.  I have not wanted to accept that he will not return home; but in realization of he is home there is much peace and with that I sense him at all times so there is his presence that brings me comfort and helps me not to resist and struggle against the physical; knowing I can rest in the spiritual realization of acceptance in his transition.

I am not cutting myself off from my emotions; it is imperative that I feel these as deeply as I can when I can.  It doesn’t mean I am in denial; reality has it me like a brick wall.  It does mean through acceptance that this will not change and this is my life experience, my condition or my life’s situation I surrender my spirit to God, the Universal Mind and will learn even more from my son regarding the powerfulness of living in the Now.  Somehow the process of acceptance of our family tragedy transmutes the agony and despair into an inner peace.

I am not going to Midnight, at least Jeremy knows now I will not stay there.  I embrace the Sonshine and am in acceptance of being guided to greener pastures and still waters and it is restoring my soul.

As I write this I sense Jeremy’s presence so strong that I actually have “chill bumps” on my entire body.  He is smiling at me and I am actually smiling too.

I have been so blessed with him as my Guardian Angel and I do with all my heart believe that those we love watch over us and keep us safe until we can come to terms with our tragedy of losing them in the physical plain. 

I would like to think that Jeremy will always be watching over me and I will continue to have these visits with him.  I do know that he will always be a whisper away.

I have woken in the night crying out and calling his name and it is as though he is the adult now tucking me safely in and saying it will be okay Mom.  And now, through all the anguish, tears, agony, and tormenting hell; I somehow know I will be okay and I know without the slightest doubt, my son is more than okay.

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

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