February 1, 2012 Memoirs with Jeremy
I stepped out onto my deck; it was a beautiful morning. The weather is quiet warm for this time of year, especially for Texas. I stepped to the handrail and decided to just breathe in the fresh morning air and enjoy the dew that had settled earlier making everything look pristine.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and I sensed my son’s presence. He started guiding me in breathing and being in the moment; nowhere but in the very present moment. Jeremy then started guiding me to listen intently to the sounds of nature; not those just in my vicinity but far into the background. I heard a truck go by and he said “no, Mom. Push that from your mind. Go deep inside and just be still and listen.” I did as he suggested and began turning my focus inside of me; breathing and listening; with this kind of breath and moment there is no distraction of the mind. I began shutting off sounds of people passing by going to work, hammering that was being done on a new house and as I began to turn within myself; I amazingly started to hear birds from afar, chimes that were barely tinkling that I would not have noticed otherwise and a breeze swept over me and it was as though Jeremy had my passed over and through my soul.
After listening intently and enjoying all the things I was hearing and being amazed at what I could hear when being in the present and being conscious, focusing on the now; I opened my eyes.
It is amazing what I saw. It was as though I had seen my backyard for the first time. Everything was vivid with color, the green of the trees and the green of the ivy ground cover was startling green and fresh. As I looked around at the trees and the sky, the leaves, the birds and taking it all in it was as though it was three dimensional.
The sensation of this made me feel like every cell of my body was filled with life and energy. I felt such a connection with the trees, the breeze, the sky and everything that I looked upon.
Then I felt the connection to my son and I realized that he had shown me how we were connected spiritually and how we are one with the Universe. The connection was so powerful that I could feel the energy between us and with every living thing that surrounded me. It was beautiful. There wasn’t much exchanged verbally between us; there wasn’t need for words because I really for the first time at a real depth and dimension understood we are one with the Universe and each other.
I have been seeking answers to my question regarding being one with all things and I have felt this before but not at this level. I have been trying to resolve these questions by using my mind which did nothing but leave me with more complex questions.
This experience does not come from the mind, in fact, it is exactly the opposite. If you listened with your mind or physical form then the truck would have placed me in the physical realm, the hammering would have distracted all the other beautiful sounds of all the birds – it was as if it there was an entire symphony of birds of all kinds.
I realized that my dilemma had to do with the mind and I have been on a quest as to why the mind interferes so much. I have read Eckhart Tolle’s book, “The Power of Now” and it is literally one of my bedside books. I read a little from it each day and have had for years. He teaches that the mind and emotions are connected. I have always thought them two different entities.
However; after I put some thought to that I realized that I have always said that when I had huge personal issues going on that kept me emotionally drained that my immune system would always be compromised. After thinking on this and rolling it over in my mind – I realized that the mind is always busy – thoughts going on a mile a minute all day. What this pointed to is what I had previously done was shut my mind down or better yet; controlled my mind and let myself turn inside of me to my spirit.
The days have to be planned, we have to make appointments, and we work and play and have to make mental decisions a hundred times a day. However, our minds should not control us – we should control our minds. I believe this is why so many relationships have fallen apart and that is due to a thought becoming a real entity in your mind because you have thought it over and over and over until it is real to you.
So, this intellectual question that was so profound to me was basically elementary. Actually, something I have known, I am sure you too, but I have never seen this through the eyes of the soul or it being illuminated by light.
You see what my son did was show me that we are connected and we are one; we are all One with the Universal Mind of God, that each of our spirits are connected because we have God’s spirit living on the inside of us – the church refers to it as the Holy Spirit and there are many names, labels etc.
The point to this is I have wanted to learn how to keep my mind from entering into the turmoil and torment of losing my son. How do I learn to live again, how do I get to the place of acceptance, how will I ever smile again – from my heart.
Jeremy showed me the most basic and elementary truth. He is still alive. I get the jest of this more and more and on a dimension now that it is easier for me to accept that he is not in the physical realm but I can reach right through that veil of the nonphysical and find that he is alive, well, rested, joyful and happy.
I cannot tell you how appreciative I am and how honored I am that I have been granted the revelations, glimpses and visits from Jeremy. I have said before, there is no potion, recipe, mantra, or formula that can draw him to me; it is being receptive and letting myself be driven and guided at the soul level.
Since this particular morning I have had several beautiful in the now moments and I am striving for many more of them. Even as I look around my room or watch my doggies at play I am practicing letting myself be guided by the spirit and not controlled by my mind, letting it run amuck with useless thoughts.
The mind would keep me in anguish and would torment me day and night. It would convince me that I will have to live miserably for the rest of my life. My son doesn’t wish this for me nor is it true. The truth is in the spirit and it will literally set you free.
I am not claiming that I have the magic, but I will say it is magical. I will always miss Jeremy being with me on earth, I will miss a lot of things that we had planned in the future, but what I have learned will save me from going into the midnight that my son referred to. That midnight is sheer terror and is a living nightmare.
Learning to not let my mind take me there also keeps my body from manifesting all kinds of anguish, pain, and disease. For when I am in the spirit I am at ease.
From “The Power of Now” there is something I wish to share; “the secret of life is to die before you die” – and find there is no death.”
This has been a profound and enlightening statement for me. I choose to let my mind die to the things that bind us to this world of greed, ego, and materialistic treasures. I choose to control my mind and have control over my thoughts because I do believe that thoughts become things and I believe in the power of words.
In overcoming the physical death of my son the only way for me to be able to go forward in life and it not just be in the doing, but it is about how I do it; then the mind; the thoughts have to be controlled. It takes lots of practice but it sure opens up the portals to heaven and ensures that I can be more receptive to being able to share special “time” with my son still. He is after all, just on the other side of the veil and we are connected.
I know realistically that Jeremy will not be “babysitting” me forever. When my Grandmother crossed over I saw and spoke with her, when my dad passed on I saw and spoke to him, he was there a lot in the beginning, then he was with me as I really needed him and now I only feel his presence periodically, but I know he is there.
With that said, Jeremy still has powerful things to do yet I know I can always talk to him, be with him and if I can’t control my mind and end up in midnight – on those days he is and will be here for me instantly.
To lose a child hits you mentally, emotionally and physically and is so unbearably painful that I find it astounding that our bodies can even go through it without killing us as parents; and sometimes it does. The stress this has put on me has affected me personally with PTSD.
This is why it is all important to me that I learn how to get around what my mind is trying to do to me, I was letting it control me and when I fell into letting my thoughts go in the direction of all the things you think of then you are in your deepest despair emotionally and then it manifests itself in you physically.
This isn’t denial I am speaking of and I to this day still only can face this horrific tragedy in small amounts. I have said many times, how does one do this without the Spirit? For there is no doubt, I surely could not and would not survive this without the blessings, revelations and teachings of the Spirit from many avenues, I would nor could I survive this. That is why, once again, as parents and siblings we are called survivors.
I hope this opens the portals of heaven and your spirit from your soul level. It is hard to put anything that is of a spiritual nature into our earthly language.
As I am sharing with you I realize that it is more of the same, the truth is what it is but there are many ways to identify with it. For me this time the truth is much broader, deeper and on a dimension that is truly going to help me to heal a little more each day.
“The secret of life is to “die before you die” – and find that there is no death (Eckhart Tolle – “The Power of Now”)
Thank you Jeremy, I love you immutably and throughout eternity. Mom xxoo
eHH HH to+mm