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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

January 2, 2012 Memoirs with Jeremy

Today has been much contemplation on the spirit that resides in us.  If I truly believe everything I have shared regarding my personal spiritual experiences then I should be very happy for my son.  He has graduated into a realm that is more significant than we can imagine until we gain the same access.
Holidays were very hard on me, but more so after the numbness wearing off that my body went into to survive them.  I am feeling a little more optimistic and at times a lot more optimistic the last few days.
I feel relief today because I believe Jeremy’s last few messages to me have had more of a profound impact on me than I realized.
Why do I grieve just because my son is not in this dimension?  Soon enough I will be with Jeremy.  I must concentrate on what lies ahead of me and focus on the objectivities of my journey.
I suppose you could say that grieving is truly a selfish response to someone moving on to another place that you cannot join them for now.
If I truly believe Jeremy is so powerful, full of golden energy, happy, resting in peace and permeates with love; then I need to think about how happy I should be for him and not make this passage any harder than it already has been for us all; including my son witnessing the heartbreak.
If I am going to let the Truth set me free then what I should be doing is dancing and celebrating and in joyful glee that my son has ascended into glory. 
Yet, I weight him down with my sorrow and he keeps having to pull me from midnight and saving me over and over again. 
This is a New Year and with a new agenda spiritually.  I know I will find more golden nuggets filled with spiritual truth and will truly celebrate my son’s rebirth into the spirit realm.  This is my goal for the New Year.  I choose this over grief.
This is truly a revelation….one that has been there from day one but one that I see clearer each day.
May you rest in peace, Sonshine.  I will get stronger and as you have stated two steps back and one forward is to be proud of and I believe you have proven yourself to me more times than I can ever count.  Thank you for doing that. 
I have supported every deployment you have been on with all my heart knowing you were in the hands of God and knowing you knew of my unconditional love and support.  I shall do the same now for you as well, you are on a new adventure and I support you with all my heart and soul.
I will work on the being selfish part… it makes it easier knowing how well you are and sensing the joyfulness that permeates your very being.
I will give it my best in giving grief a rest and go forward in joy knowing that you are in the best and safest place you could ever be.  It will be a challenge but one I know you want for me.
Here’s to the New Year of 2012 celebrating your life and going forward into a more spiritual place and finding joy once again for us both; for us all.
It’s been amazing what I have learned from you… thank you son, Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith.
Love you,
Mom xxoo
January 4, 2011 Memoirs with Jeremy

I am reminding myself of my New Year goal......my decision today was to suck it up and move forward.  I was reminded that it is not what you do but the how you do it that counts......I have always taught my children that if something is worth doing then do it right.

So easy to give into depression.  I did allow myself to stay there just a tiny bit to let my thoughts sink in and made the firm decision that my son has propelled me towards.  Be proud of each step even if it is one step back and then another forward because it is a semblance of progress.  I want to do this for him, but he has helped me to realize that I am wanting to do this for me too.  To be honest, perfectly honest, I haven't cared much about myself since April.

Knowing that I need to complete my journey and with the renewed thoughts of it's not just the doing but how I do it.  I do want to do it right.  I want to finish my journey and receive a "well done, Sandra" and make my son proud as well.....

What a hard journey ahead, but it is one worth finishing.

May God bless us all and continue to give us strength..... xx

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